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By MELINDA SACKS / Special to the Mercury News
it wasn't
until she was in training to become a counselor for young women
in abusive relationships that Jennifer Nichols realized she had
been a victim of domestic violence herself.
It's common for the victim to feel responsible, or think what is
going on is "normal,'' explains the now 20-year-old mother of a
3-year-old.
"Pretty much every relationship I've had has been abusive,'' says
Nichols, a bright, articulate young woman. "I always thought it
was my fault for some reason. I thought I did something to deserve
it.''
The former boyfriend she believed was just showing his love used
to force her to have sex and tell her not to contact her friends
or leave the house. Even after they split, she says, she was afraid
to go out because she thought he might come back.
But thanks to a presentation by the Mountain View-based Support
Network for Battered Women made at her high school, Nichols began
to recognize herself as a victim. She subsequently became a volunteer
for the organization and today she knows the difference between
a healthy relationship and an abusive one.
The program offers safe shelter for women and children trying to
escape abusive situations, and carries out extensive community education
throughout Santa Clara County.
After struggling for years, Nichols is in a solid, live-in relationship
with the father of her son, and they are expecting a daughter in
February. The couple met while they were both in training to become
volunteers for the Support Network's STAR program, which sends young
volunteers who have experienced domestic violence into the community
to talk about the issue. Today, when she isn't in class at West
Valley College, where she is a sophomore, she is teaching other
young men and women how to avoid the mistakes she made.
"My whole goal,'' says Nichols, ""is to reach even one young girl
or boy before they are seriously hurt by an abusive relationship.
If someone had told me when I was 12 all the things I know now,
I wouldn't have lived for so many years being abused.''
Nichols hopes to transfer to San Jose State University's nursing
program to study to become a midwife. At present she works as an
aide for a disabled woman to help pay her bills. She could use a
hand with school expenses, though. Gift cards ($25
each) would help with textbooks and supplies, and a few things
for her son and the new baby.
Support Network is one of several agencies offering hope and shelter
to women leaving abusive relationships. Others include Next Door
and the Asian Women's Home in San Jose and Shelter Against Violent
Environments (SAVE) in Fremont.
Clients often arrive with little more than the clothes on their
backs, so the shelters are in constant need of items ranging from
soap to pajamas.
Each donation
of $25 will go toward purchasing grocery and drugstore certificates
to buy food, formula, diapers and personal items. Each
$52.50 will buy a month's bus pass for a mom in one of the shelters.
Each
$10 goes toward cozy pajamas for a child. And for kids feeling
lonely and lost, each
$8 will provide the fuzzy companionship of a stuffed animal.
For
more information, here are links to:
Support Network for Battered Women (Mountain View);
Domestic Violence Outreach
and Prevention Program/ Asian Americans for Community Involvement;
Next Door: Solutions
to Domestic Violence (San Jose);
Shelter Against Violent
Environments (Fremont)
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